Wednesday, December 19, 2018

My ah-ha moment....

So I'm 50 lbs into this weight-loss, trying to find me journey.  It started with wanting to lose 20, then it was wanting to fit into those fucking jeans... then it was 35... then it was 50...then it was 60... I've finally found my rhythm and hit almost all of those numbers, wore the jeans.... can workout until hell won't have it and then a few weeks ago I thought, ugh, I'm stuck.

I've actually given this very little thought, which is super rare when it comes to weight loss thoughts in my life.  I've spent most of my adult life (and teens) always thinking I needed to lose weight, get rid of my cellulite, fade my scars, change my hair... you get the point.  I never looked at what I liked... only what I wanted to change.  I'm sure we are all guilty of that.

I was getting dressed today to go to an appointment with Madilyn and I realized something... I am comfortable in my own skin!  For someone like me that's huge!  I can't remember the last time I put on an outfit and had to change cause I thought I looked fat, or it was too tight, or it was uncomfortable.  I like the way I look, cellulite, scars, wrinkles and all....  all those flaws tell my story.  They hold my memories... they are me... and for the first time ever I realized that I finally am perfectly comfortable with me... I actually love me..... I'm not a size 2 and I don't ever plan to be... that's okay..  I'm healthy, I'm strong, I'm flawed and I'm happy!