If anyone was wondering I am still here and I am still going.... I have seriously been questioning myself as to why I start stuff like this and don't share when I'm struggling. It's the whole point really... to have a place to get it out. So I'm going to get very real for a minute...
August and September are the absolute hardest months of the year for me.. it's when everything happened 5 years ago and we made Madilyn ours. It's the time of year that the social worker and the probate court reviews come due, it's when the school wants to evaluate and it's depressing as fuck and stresses me right out. I had a leg injury in July that affected my workouts and the Monday night food trucks at the park were enjoyed a little too much...and I fell off the non-smoking wagon after almost two years... In mid August I admitted that the bootcamp thing wasn't working for me as I cannot and will not drag my fat ass out of bed at 5:00 am to make it work.. but I love the workouts...I don't miss counting macros though, I don't even understand them really, the only thing I can tell you about counting macros is they suck and I suck at it.
I was truly stuck at that point and ready to pull out my 21 day fix videos from 2 or 3 years ago but a friends post caught my attention on Facebook and I jumped before I gave myself a chance to think about it. One year access to Beachbody On Demand.... I'm in love... had someone told me even 6 months ago that I'd be 46 and doing Shaun T Insanity Max 30 workouts I would've pissed myself laughing! I have to modify about half of it but it's okay...I'M DOING IT!! It helps with the emotional stress I struggle with and I feel better. It's definitely an out for me and I have no excuses about not doing it because I'm home with the Peanugga anyway and she thinks it's hilarious... if I ever develop self-esteem issues I'm blaming her hanging on the gate giggling uncontrollably while I work out. The more I huff and puff and make noises the more she laughs... little shit...
It must be doing something because I wore jeans on Monday that I haven't worn in 2 years... the scale says I'm down 17 pounds.. I have a long way to go but 17 pounds is a lot! I can see my toes when I look down now and my belly doesn't get in the way when I'm getting off the couch... my back doesn't hurt.......and most importantly... I CAN ACTUALLY SEE THE FUCKING BELLY BUTTON RING!!! I'm not ready to show it off yet but I can see it.....and that makes my day!
Kudos kiddo! Hugs too.... thought of you often these past 2 months and wishing you were ok. Sorry, should have reached out. Our Little Critter is back in Michigan and steps are being taken. Hugs, miss you.
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