I finally did it... I accepted the fact that I am incapable of keeping my blogs separate. I have accepted the fact that life with Madilyn and my journey to find me are so intertwined that I cannot (and will not) separate them any longer. I love blogging, it's total therapy for my soul.. trying to keep two key parts of my life separate doesn't work with this... it leaves me silent and drives me nuts.. so here goes..
To those that followed www.mylifewithmadilyn.blogspot.com... I tell it like it is here, I hope you stick around. It'll be worth it. So here goes...
Today started out the Mondayest (I know that's not really a word but it should be) of Monday's... Monday's suck ass when there's only a few hours of sleep at a time and then the Sasshole (a.k.a...Peanugga) wakes up like someone lit her ass on fire and she's pissed. She may be tiny but damn she's a bossy little dictator more often than not! Put that attitude with my "I'm not a morning person" attitude and it can be toxic... like trying to mix oil and water... doesn't happen...and it's usually quite loud. Two outfit changes, one broken lamp shade (all her) and lots of yelling on both our parts to be out the door by 9 am for physical therapy and I went without even brushing my hair.... it was one of those days that I was lucky I put sweats on and didn't go in my pj's... after we got home and my teenager said she heard the whole thing I realized I used to think.. I really need to work on my patience, I'm a horrible person sometimes, what is wrong with me? Today my only thought was "Why didn't you intervene for twenty seconds?"
I NEVER used to ask for help. I do now... I've learned that I don't have to do it by myself when I have a bunch of people willing to help... I don't hesitate now to yell "I NEED AN INTERVENTION" (I actually yell it so loud sometimes that I'm waiting for the day a neighbor responds to help) and as soon as someone steps in I simply walk away to collect my ridiculous, angry, stressed out self. When it's been a long day I don't hesitate to tell my husband that I'm out... I need to walk away for a while. Sometimes it's just to sleep, sometimes it's to cry and sometimes it's just to put some earbuds in a drown out the noise.
I don't hesitate almost every single day to put her in the playpen and turn on my workout. It's taken sooooooo long to make it a normal routine for us. No matter what the mood is going on the workout adjusts it for both of us. It totally chills me out and her. If I'm slacking she'll pull me over to the playpen and grunt at me... she keeps me accountable, she reminds me multiple times per day why I chose to change my life and get healthy. I have to be able to keep up to her... I practice gratitude daily and work on being a positive person. With a life like ours it would be super easy to get sucked into the deepest depression... I did, been there done that... I have the badge. I was on meds for it and was borderline morbidly obese from trying to eat the things that were overwhelming me.. now I workout, eat (mostly) healthy and give my trials and frustrations a voice... I don't try to hide them because people won't understand anymore... I speak them out loud and release them into the universe so they no longer have power over me... I am a constant work in progress.
I also don't hesitate to own the fact that my sweet, loving, one of a kind, medical miracle child is an asshole 75% of the time... hahaha... a.k.a... the sasshole.. the more she learns, the more progress we make the bossier she gets. She thrives on routines and I know this... yet life happens and heaven forbid I mess up the routine... hell hath no fury like a pissed off sasshole... imagine living your life with the never ending three-nager... now let me say welcome to my world. We have some really great moments, every single day, and some really hard ones... every single day.
I'm going to be putting it all here... fitness, health, mental health, marriage, life and all the Sasshole shenanigans you can possible handle, and of course.... little pink shoes...
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