Me

It's nap-time right now and I just realized that when I heard and saw her wiggling on the video monitor I physically held my breath hoping she wouldn't wake up yet...hahaha!  I'm sure every mom has done that at some point in time.  When my typical kiddos were little I NEVER kept anything quiet while they slept.  I'd clean, vacuum, crank the stereo... when Madilyn naps everything is on shutdown...but not for the reasons you may suspect.  She can sleep through noise and normal stuff going on but I crave silence.  When she's awake it's nonstop noise.. chattering, giggling, yelling... and I just need silence sometimes.  I used to use nap time to get all the stuff done and I'd never accomplish everything I wanted to and realized that I was driving myself nuts, plus I never got any downtime.

Now, nap-time is my time.  Monday through Friday when the Sasshole goes down it's my time to do whatever I am feeling that day.  Sometimes I clean, sometimes I read or listen to motivational podcasts, sometimes I do responsible things and other times I take a fucking nap.  It's all about what I need in that moment.  Sometimes the moment last 10 minutes and some days it's 3 hours... it's never the same and there's no way to tell in advance how it will go.  Regardless of how long it is, it's mine and my mental health depends on it.

I used to feel guilty for it... but not anymore... because I matter, my mental health matters...